THE AWAKENING REHAB C.I.C
The Founder of The Awakening Rehab
MY AWAKENING
My journey has been marked by extremes, driven by both darkness and struggle, yet ignited by a powerful transformation. Born in Britain in the 1980s to Pakistani immigrant parents, I navigated the complexities of having one foot in my family’s traditional values and the other firmly planted in the pursuit of Western ideals. Balancing these two worlds was not just challenging; it was a defining aspect of my life. My family’s expectations were deeply rooted in culture, faith, and pride, while the Western world called to me with its promises of individuality and opportunity. This constant tension shaped my experiences and forced me to confront and ultimately define my own identity.
I grew up in a deeply conservative Muslim family that instilled in me a strong respect for traditions and family honour. However, at the age of 13, I faced a pivotal moment that changed everything. On a frosty winter morning, a school friend someone who frequently tested limits asked me for a cigarette. In an instant, he transformed it into a joint and offered me my first few puffs. That moment, though it seemed innocent at the time, marked the beginning of a destructive relationship with substances that would ultimately reshape my life.
As I grew older, my connection to substances intensified, becoming an inseparable part of me. What started as casual experimentation turned into a constant presence I thought I could control. Alcohol joined in as my escape, and I convinced myself that addiction was something that happened to others, not me. Yet, I was already on a path consuming my mind, body, and spirit.
I struggled to find a place where I belonged, so I turned to the streets. The streets offered a different kind of belonging, one that filled the emptiness inside me. What began as an escape from bullying and an attempt to find a sense of power quickly turned into a dark lifestyle. Antisocial behaviour and substance misuse became more than just habits; they turned into shields that protected a vulnerable self I refused to confront. The thrill of rebellion and power felt complete, even as it slowly chipped away at the person I truly was.
Despite choosing a rebellious path, I still craved understanding. I immersed myself in the study of criminology, psychology, and sociology, hoping that if I could comprehend the world around me, I might make sense of my own fractured identity. This journey took me to over 35 countries, exposing me to diverse wonders and ways of life. However, no matter how far I travelled, I couldn’t escape the internal battles I carried within.
My life was a constant seesaw between highs and lows. At times, I lived in excess, surrounded by luxury, yet the emptiness inside me only grew. In contrast, there were moments of homelessness, isolation, and addiction that felt so deep I was drowning in despair. Eventually, life began to feel like a prison, and I couldn't see a way out. In my darkest hour, I even attempted to end it all. However, fate had a different plan for me. A near-fatal car crash became a pivotal moment, forcing me to confront the reality of my choices.
I survived the crash, but I was left broken, alone, and with nothing to hold onto. During those dark times, when everything seemed lost, a family member stepped in to help. They encouraged me to attend a rehabilitation program. It was a brutal experience that stripped away the illusions I had clung to for years. Yet, for the first time, I was given a choice: to rise above my struggles or to let them consume me. I chose to fight, not only for myself but also with a newfound sense of purpose: to help others find their way out of the darkness.
During my recovery, I confronted the stigma surrounding addiction, particularly within Muslim and South Asian communities. Addiction is seldom discussed and is often shrouded in silence and shame. Families like mine tend to avoid talking about it, hoping it will simply go away. I also believed I had to carry this burden by myself, but I have come to realize just how harmful this silence can be.
My addiction had become a relentless force, dragging me down into a spiral of self-destruction. Substances like alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, and crystal meth clouded my mind and took over my life. I lost my relationships, my sense of direction, and my hope. At my lowest point, I was ready to give up forever. But by grace, and with the support I had once resisted, I found a way back.
After six life-changing months in rehab, I emerged with a clarity that had previously felt impossible. I acquired the tools necessary to manage my life and gained a deep understanding of what addiction truly is. My recovery filled me with gratitude and a strong desire to support others, particularly in communities where addiction is often hidden and misunderstood.
Today, I am on a mission to break down the barriers of stigma and end the silence that keeps people suffering in isolation. My experiences have given me strength, resilience, and, most importantly, purpose. I am here to offer compassion, understanding, and a path forward, ensuring that no one has to face the darkness alone, as I once did. My journey is a testament to the fact that no matter how far one has fallen, there is always a way back a way to find light and reclaim life.